Experts say it all boils down to just a few old fashioned bylaws of romance :.
Deepen Your Commitment Gradually While expecting too much is sure to kill a relationship, the opposite can also be true. Nothing could be further from the truth. Limerence and the Art of Love There is perhaps nothing quite as exhilarating as the heady feeling of falling deeply, madly, passionately in love. Let the relationship deepen slowly over months. Psychologist Dennis Lowe, PhD, offers this advice to increase your odds of success: Think a little bit less about what you expect from the relationship and a little bit more about what you can bring to it.
Keep it light at first
Both partners should give more of themselves and expect more in return. In this study, doctors looked at three groups: The first was patients diagnosed but not yet treated for obsessive compulsive disorder OCD ; the second group was couples who were newly in love; the third group was composed of "normal' people.
What we learned from the study applies as much before marriage as after we tie the knot, says Lowe. When partners place at least some responsibility for the success of the relationship on themselves, Lowe tells WebMD they ultimately will get more from each other. In fact, Lowe tells WebMD that couples who stay together and work through their difficulties often find that happiness -- and a good deal of the passion -- returns in the long run.
And, by comparison the group of normal folks had normal levels. Could I have CAD? Missing Teeth?
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Keep It Light at First While the wisdom may seem a bit conventional, experts say one of the best ways to win at love is to hold off physical intimacy until you really get to know someone. Regardless of how you define it, experts say once we do experience the "high" it becomes etched in our brain. It was already known that serotonin levels drop in folks who have OCD. It's part of what drives their obsessive behavior. At the core of the shake up: A philosophy that told us if your partner isn't giving you the attention you expect, don't hang around and wait for change - just move on.
While some call the magic "limerence" -- that almost mystical connection of body, mind and spirit -- others say it's simply the most powerful sexual chemistry they ever experienced.
By acknowledging that there will always be challenges and difficulties along the way, Lowe says couples can develop a more realistic expectation of married life, one that will go a long way toward keeping a couple together. So, tossing away someone simply because they want to take it slow could turn out to be a big mistake. Fortunately, however, while all this passion is stirring in our brain, a slightly different state of mind is brewing elsewhere in our psyche -- a purely psychological phenomenon that experts call "bonding.
And that, they say, can spell dating disaster. But as sound as this tenet may be, it also underscores what experts see as a major problem in relationships today: We frequently expect a little too much, a little too soon. Those changes, he says, not only help drive the mating process, they are also responsible for that "honeymoon high.
Psychiatrist Virginia A. Sadock, MD, notes that getting swept up in romantic desire is not, in and of itself, a bad thing, as long as we Virginia expecations dating subject our partner to our fantasies too soon. Today, when people talk about a relationship they often talk in consumer terms -- like what am I going to get out of this, and what are you going to do for me," says Lowe, founding director of the Center for The Family at Pepperdine University in California. Work through problems to have a stronger relationship in the end.
So how do you keep yourself from expecting too much too soon? To avoid all these complications, Darnay advises both male and female clients to keep things light and breezy -- and put no expectations on each other -- for at least a few months. Experts say it all boils down to just a few old fashioned bylaws of romance : Don't rush into sex. Think about what you bring to the relationship, not what you get from it. But this, say experts, is a false expectation that frequently drives many a couple apart.
There is perhaps nothing quite as exhilarating as the heady feeling of falling deeply, madly, passionately in love.
While the wisdom may seem a bit conventional, experts say one of the best ways to win at love is to hold off physical intimacy until you really get to know someone. So, it was no surprise to find a low level of the transport chemical in this group.
Understand that heady passion may not last, but love does. As your feelings for one another deepen over time, the relationship should progress to reflect that, says Sadock. In fact, at least one aspect of this tantalizing chemistry lesson was recently proven by a group of Italian researchers.
But what was exciting and new: The discovery that couples who were newly in love had the same low level of this serotonin-related chemical as people with OCD. This, say experts, could mean that what we feel for our partner at the very early stages of love -- and to some extent the headiness of being in love -- may be hard wired into our brain chemistry, and pretty much out of our control.
How do you know when to hold on and when to let go? Virginia expecations dating of that, many of us come to expect that intense feeling to remain throughout the relationship. The end result, she says is that one partner is playing by one set of relationship rules, while the other may not even be on the game board.
Many times, she says, one partner simply doesn't want to move that fast. Working It Out When That Loving Feeling Goes But while the exhilarating feeling of new love may fade as time goes by, Lowe says that's not a reason to run for the hills the minute problems in the relationship arise.
Deepen your commitment gradually
Five years later the experts re-examined the same couples to see how their relationships fared. While expecting too much is sure to kill a relationship, the opposite can also be true.
But while the exhilarating feeling of new love may fade as time goes by, Lowe says that's not a reason to run for the hills the minute problems in the relationship arise. Research shows that at least part of that initial "WOW" feeling we get with our partners may have more to do with fluctuations in brain chemistry than flutters of the heart.
There are changes that occur in our brain chemistry to make that happen," says psychologist Dennis Sugrue, PhD, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan Medical School and co-author of Sex Matters for Women. The bad news is this surge of delicious brain chemistry doesn't last.
Using a series of blood tests, researchers screened all three groups for levels of a chemical that shuttles the mood regulating neurotransmitter serotonin in and out of brain cells. Often those expectations are simply unrealistic.
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That was precisely the finding of a survey conducted by the Institute of American Values. Those who got a divorce were no happier on their own.
They firmly believe that not only is it going to always be this way, but that it should always be this way," says Lowe. They become very concerned if the other person doesn't call them quickly or doesn't want to see them with increasing frequency," says JoAnn White, a relationship expert and psychology instructor at Temple University in Philadelphia.
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As such, she says it's reasonable to expect that you will not only begin to spend more time together, but also give more to each other emotionally. Indeed, experts say that when a natural sense of entitlement doesn't rise up and come to the surface of a love affair, it won't last -- no matter how hot the passion. The Biology of Love "When a man and woman fall for each other, it is in our biological best interest to become a little bit obsessed with each other. In this study, researchers questioned hundreds of American couples who said they were very unhappy in their marriages.