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We hung out as friends for awhile, and as time passed, our friendship just turned into romance. A perfect example: the Shafers, who married in the summer of And the only place to visit was in a very public downstairs lounge. And not surprisingly, some of that happens on the Internet rather than face to face, which is a real change. For us, the whole process was more subtle. Knihnicki, the love goddess herself, says she gave up on dating during her senior year and instead focused her energy on finding the right graduate school.

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There is no formal script for how friendships become something more. Rochester Review Winter —04 Vol. Your Dorm or Mine? And, unfortunately, the double standard still exists on that one. Features The Dating Game.

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For them, the primary goal is graduate school or establishing a career. In my first serious relationship on campus, my girlfriend and I used IM all the time to touch base, chat, or coordinate schedules. That takes a lot of communication.

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Having so many ways to stay connected to each other, Reiter admits, can lead to conflicts in relationships. Even if Knihnicki is right—to borrow a phrase sung by the Mindbenders in —perhaps every generation just has their own groovy kind of love.

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While the Office of Residential Life requires students to a housing contract that specifies guidelines for having overnight guests, director Logan Hazen says that as young adults, students have to be trusted to maneuver this territory for themselves. After being friends for awhile and gradually spending more and more time together, Vasiliauskas decided to kick things up a notch and made the first move, letting Thomas know she wanted to be more than just friends.

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Demanding class schedules coupled with budgeting time for studying, extracurricular activities like clubs and sports, and other friends, can create tension, especially if one partner has unrealistic expectations for how much time the two can spend together. Marriage and family are about as relevant as retirement planning.


She says the whole idea of finding the perfect mate in college is more complicated now because most couples face the choice of breaking up after graduation or trying to maintain a long-distance relationship, which, Vasiliauskas says, is not realistic in most situations. The rule, for a couple, was at least three legs on the floor at all times.

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After that the two were inseparable, at least until last fall when Vasiliauskas planned to take a job in Connecticut. Those relics have been replaced by a new lingo and new technology in the hour world of e-mail and its fast-talking, caffeinated cousin, Instant Messaging.

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Sylvia Ann Hewlett, an economist and writer whose recent book Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children has been featured on Oprah, 60 Minutes, and the cover of Time, says that many college-age women should think strategically about how they will achieve all their goals related to career, family, and marriage. The couples from 40 years ago would look no different from the couples today on those kind of issues.

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For many students, both male and female, this emphasis on career can affect their level of commitment in college relationships as well as their desire to establish long-term commitments beyond the junior year. Striking this balance between academic success and personal relationships can be tricky, says Dean of Students in the College Jody Asbury. Such details as the sweaty palms, awkward introductions, nervous, ask-her-out phone calls.

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There was a fuzzy boundary between friendship and romance. But amidst all the technology and informality, many students still say they have a traditional hankering to meet someone special during their undergrad years and make a commitment to another person, if perhaps not for a lifetime, at least beyond the single party or semester.

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Instant Messaging has become a common meeting place for virtual dates as well as the communication meat and potatoes of college relationships. With oak leaves floating like love notes on the Genesee River, the couple canoed in the crisp air and embarked on a romance that would last a lifetime.