The remaining three I think about after the date. Does he live in L. Does he like his job? Five of those traits I try to learn about before the date. For TV, traits need to be sexy: face, abs and girth. So good, in fact, that I recently had met a guy I liked and could see a future with.
The lawyer whose coming-out story was somehow less interesting than his love of tailored suits.
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She smiled. They assumed wrong. Traits that eventually fade and leave you with a partner you hate and a version of yourself you hate even more. Is he curious? As I sat there, consensually gaslit, I thought about her made-for-TV advice. About how my system has created a method full of swift left-swipes — a system that, if continued, may lead me to a life alone as a single gay man, perhaps finding social validation as a second assistant coach on an intramural L. I think back to the guy I was happily dating then.
Good luck with that guy.
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They were right about one thing, though. Let people in. Make sense of the patterns and change them. She was the type of person who obviously excelled at her job — a job that I was making difficult.
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In mine, it was good. She exhaled and turned to me. And thanks for watching. With his great smile and perfect score of eight out of eight traits.
You have so much to offer. Tasks to do and cards to sort, as opposed to waiting around in Whole Foods for some dude and me to magically lock eyes as we reach for the same carton of oat milk. Clearly my answer was not the one she was expecting. Want more from Modern Love?
I simply had endured one too many bad first dates. Will he get on the phone?
On that teal couch, with my hands shaking, I stared at the dating host as she hit me with her questions. Back in the studio, it was time to reshoot the scene with me embracing my too-neurotic-to-ever-find-love persona, so viewers at home could see me as a cautionary tale, an exaggeration, perhaps, of their own neuroses.
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Is he down to go backpacking? That man is me. Is he kind? Open your hearts and minds and be yourselves. Each person is represented by a Trello card — a kind of digital sticky note. Cue the Trello board. The reason they brought me on the show is because my standards were too high; I had crazy lists of dating requirements that they assumed came from my deep fear of commitment, as if I were sabotaging myself with a system that would exclude nearly everyone.
My ridiculous dating system totally works!
My systematic approach may well be weeding out someone who could make me my happiest self. Well then. If we never get that far, I archive his card, in which case an archived card is all he will ever be. She winked as she walked out, having gotten from me what she was looking for, as if she had funneled me through her own little Trello board.
The one I spoke about while sitting on that teal couch.
I experienced repeated collisions of misaligned values and discovered personality traits I wanted to avoid. And I am so happy that your dating life is going well.
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And as of today, I hate kickball. Her face soured and she touched her earpiece.
I create dating checklists and processes that are measured with tools and data. Alex Kruger is a business and comedy writer who lives in Los Angeles. A relationship similar to that of so many couples I know, filled with silent meals, wandering eyes and forlorn regrets of what else each of them could have been. The finance bro who thought it was weird that I was Jewish while blond. As of today, the board has six stages and eight traits.
I am indeed an incredible list maker. I would prefer to have something to work on. To break this cycle, I decided to track it all. I began my system seven years ago on Trello, the project management software I use at work. Before the first date, I try to determine the following: Does he make me laugh via text?
I evaluate my potential dates based on eight traits.
After the first date, I ask myself: Does he like himself? Last year, in the middle of the pandemic, I appeared as a guest on a now-defunct dating show. Modern Love can be reached at modernlove nytimes.