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One divorced man who is in therapy with Hendlin is easily discouraged about his attempts to connect with people. Jerald Jellison, professor of social psychology at USC, sees flirting as an invitation to come closer.

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Deborah Hendlin, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Irvine, says many find flirting increases their sense of attractiveness and their ego strength. In an age in which sexual harassment is increasingly an issue in the workplace, Westerman warns office flirts to limit themselves to people they know well and feel comfortable with. About Us. B2B Publishing.

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Turner--the frequent flirter--has experienced the downside of over-flirting. Some people flirt by paying a great deal of attention to someone, showing intense concentration, offering slight smiles, and nodding their he in agreement, says Jellison, who admits to engaging in that form of flirting.

The quick quip. A well-placed compliment. At a party, she says, a concerned spouse ed the discussion and shot a few pointed comments at Turner and took her husband quickly from the scene.

A funny retort. But more typically, Turner knows which people in her work and social circles are comfortable with flirting, and she sticks to them, she says. The suggestions are so subtle that they can be either ignored or enhanced, depending on how things transpire. All Sections. Facebook Twitter Show more sharing options Share Close extra sharing options.

Psychologists say that because social and sexual rules were looser, there was less of a need to meet others slowly and carefully. Sometimes even with her. Westerman says flirting is more common is societies with strict and clear social mores--perhaps because the risk of having an overture taken too far is typically reduced.

Then I make a one-line comment, or answer a question with a double-edged meaning. She has also had to stop bantering to make the point that she was not interested in pursuing the relationship to a more intimate level. For some, flirting is effortless and unconscious, but for others, it is an art they have to struggle to learn.

For some, the risks of flirting outweigh any potential pay-back. Hot Property. Susan Odegaard Turner, 40, a self-employed health care consultant in Thousand Oaks, says she flirts all the time. Times Events.

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When others flirt with me, I laugh--without trying to make them feel embarrassed--and always make sure I insert a positive comment about my husband and children. For some, flirting is not so much about connecting with others as it is about building themselves up.

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A double-entendre. But now people are more interested in approaching relationships with caution, testing the waters before diving in. He also cautions them to stop making flirtatious comments if they are not reciprocated and to avoid touching others without their permission. Theresa Halzle, an Agoura-based free-lance photographer, says she considers herself chatty and outgoing, but says she is very careful not to flirt, especially in work situations. Hendlin says seniors are usually very good at flirting, perhaps because they have attained a level of comfort with themselves and some of the normal sexual protectiveness of youth is down.

He reports regularly to Hendlin about how the flirtee he approached failed to respond with even a laugh or a smile. Eye contact. Times Store.

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Some people, however, take flirting to an extreme, which can be a of deep-seated insecurity and a persistent need to affirm themselves or mask their sense of inadequacy, Hendlin says. Flirting is not just for the young.

Commitments : with a wink and a smile, flirting’s back

The ambiguity that is part of flirtation is part of what makes it interesting, Jellison says. Turner, married with two children, sees her flirting as a harmless form of social banter. What we call flirting may be a way of dealing with ambient sexual tension without taking it further.

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